Everyone seems to be talking about the presidential debate tonight and American politics in general (so boring, bro) but I want to give a big shout-out to my bro Don Cheadle.
On Thursday the United Nations General Assembly elected Rwanda to one of the five rotational seats on the UN Security Council. Fuck yeah. Anyone who’s seen Hotel Rwanda knows that Don Cheadle is a badass bro who deserves a chance to direct global foreign policy decisions.
Plus we’re pretty sure Hotel Rwanda is based off of the time we sheltered 42 sorority biddies who were visiting from another campus. We saved them from being slayed by those pussies over at PIKE instead of our bros. In this scenario, PIKE are the Hutus looking to commit genocide on that pussy. We’re Don Cheadle like, “hell no, bro. We’ve got these bitches on lock.” Swag.
But despite Don Cheadle’s swagtastic humanitarian credentials the international community is, like always, crying like a little bitch. Apparently, Rwanda’s selection is controversial due to reports that the Rwandan government is actively supporting a rebel group known as the March 23 Movement (M23).
Whatever, bro. Yeah, M23 is killing, plundering and raping its way across Eastern Congo. Sounds like an average Greek Life weekend to me.
Plus, what African country doesn’t support a controversial rebel group? If we were to make not supporting controversial rebel groups a qualification for a UNSC seat, the Security Council would be dominated by Western superpowers. Which it is already so who gives a fuck?
The last time Rwanda served on the UNSC was in 1994-95, which coincided with the Rwandan genocide. Yeah that shit was cray, but the heroic story of Don Cheadle revealed to the world that Rwanda is a nation of unity, peace and progress. Don Cheadle is a hero.
Don Cheadle is so bro that I bet he could shotgun back-to-back Nattys.
Actually I know he can because he came to our tailgate last Saturday and was all like, “Fuck yeah bros, I slay bitches and pound Nattys.” And we were like, “Bro, no way! So do we!” And then we high-fived and Eiffel Towered some slampieces. Don Cheadle is a bro to the core.
Personally, I think Rwanda’s history enables them to offer a unique perspective on matters of war and peace. Rwanda can draw on its experience and fight for a more robust implementation of the Responsibility to Protect doctrine (R2P). The world is once again ignoring the importance of R2P and completely botching the crisis in Syria highlighting the need for a stronger stance on the importance of international intervention in the face of severe humanitarian conflicts.
If that’s not enough, Rwandan President Paul Kagame tweeted out, “No matter what the haters say and do, justice and truth will prevail.”
Fuck yeah, bro. Let the haters hate. That man’s got some cojones, bro. Plus it’s not like the West has a record to back up their criticism of Rwanda’s violent past; if anything their humanitarian record is even worse, bro.
So yeah. Unique perspective, pressure for implementation of R2P, a baller president and Don Cheadle slamming bitches: I see no problem with Rwanda participating on the UNSC, bro.