Tagged: john boehnor

5 Political Substances That Will Get You High

Bros love getting high. Bros love political debates. Why not do both? #Swag.

1. Ethanol fuel: E-20 and up, bro. Don’t even mess around with that E-10 shit, it’s a scam.

2. Crude Oil Shots: Make sure you’re springing for that sweet crude oil; the lower sulfur content will get you fucked up as shit. If you’re looking to impress the ladies cop some American-made Heavy Louisiana Sweet or Okono imported from Nigeria. They’re like the Grey Goose and Cîroc of oil, thoroughly filtered so you don’t have any of that bitumen shit.

3. Natural Gas Whippets: Whippets aren’t just for high-schoolers bro. With shale gas becoming an increasingly important source of energy for the United States, quantity and quality are through the roof. You’ll also get a sweet second-hand high if you’re huffing next to extraction sites due to the pollutants released via the fracking process. Cheap highs = good times.

4. John Boehnor’s Tears: This shit is harder to find than LSD at a sober fraternity (bitches). But when you find it bro…oh yeah. Me and my bros drank some and watch Al Jazeera’s Inside Story on obesity in America on a loop for an entire day.

5. Mali: The ultimate party drug. Because nothing says swag like Islamic jihadists in North Africa.