Before we get into politics I just got to say: Obama, Biden and Boehner looked swagged out in pastel ties last night. Like, was this a State of the Union address or Alpha Phi’s Pastel Bro’s and Easter Bunny Hoes party?
If it was anything like the party, it probably ended with tequila body shots off of Nancy Pelosi, some weird shit with the gavel and John Boehner waking up to Facebook photos of him and Biden with their shirts off passing comprehensive immigration reform in the Senate (which would be dope).
But anyway, if Obama’s inauguration speech was hitting the last cup on the beer pong table for the comeback victory, the State of the Union was Obama reaching across the table, backhanding the House Republican Caucus and taking all their wives upstairs for some one-on-one discussions on a newly proposed stimulus package. You feel me, bro?
Obama delivered a boldly progressive agenda; one that not only served to flesh out the broad concepts outlined at his Inauguration, but also laid the groundwork for a fundamental restructuring of governmental philosophies and civic engagement in a 21st century America.
More so than any State of the Union in recent memory, Brobama truly articulated a progressive vision for the future of America, one that sought to promote a renewed faith in the social contract that has forever been the cornerstone of the American ideal.
The agenda harkened back to the days of Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society and FDR’s New Deal, when government was not seen with animosity, but as a protector of the public systems that built our shared prosperity: a focus on building a robust middle class, a shout-out to voting rights, clean energy, smart manufacturing and a rousing appeal for gun-control legislation.
We even got a jab at Mitt Romney on indexing the minimum wage to inflation, a proposal that Romney supported briefly (typical Romney, bro).
Most striking though, was Obama’s riff on the poorest Americans. He evoked imagery of communities wrought with “inescapable pockets of poverty;” one’s that present unimaginable barriers to entry into a productive workforce. Having spent his youth embedded in these communities on Chicago’s south side, it was refreshing to hear Obama acknowledge the American’s who, in his own words, led him to seek the presidency in the first place.
This was an important speech for Obama; the doorway for pushing through his legislative agenda is closing as we approach the 2014-midterm elections. And my bro, for the most part, took advantage of it.
Sure, most of Obama’s agenda will probably get stalled in Congress. But this bro threw down the gauntlet. He walked up to the hottest chick at the party, red Solo cup in hand and said, “this is me babe, take it or leave it.”
Ladies love confidence, and if nothing else my bro’s swag was through the Capitol roof. Now he needs to turn that swag into tangible legislative success.
On January 21st, Barack Obama gave what could accurately be described as giant bitchslap to the GOP; an inauguration speech so boldly progressive that he might as well have taken out a paddle and told John Boehner to bend over right then and there.
Like, seriously bro, who is this guy? Struttin’ up on stage like he just banged an entire sorority in one night. Which he probably did, the man’s swag is off the radar right now, bro.
But a lot of my less politically inclined bros seem to have missed the message so I’m going to break down the most swagged out parts of the inauguration speech real quick, and what it means for Bro-bama’s second term.
First-term Obama was kind of a little bitch. I’m hesitant to use the term “little-bitch,” because he did get some shit done, but let’s be honest. Bro rolled up into Washington like the NIB he was thinking that “post-partisanship” was a reasonable goal. Post-partisanship is probably as achievable as hooking up at a sober mixer. It just doesn’t work like that and Republicans pounced on the chance to haze the fuck out of him.
Second-term Obama seems to have learned his lesson and wore his Liberal ideology on his sleeve like a bro wears his letters. We got a “fuck-you” to the 1% and a “wuttup bro” to the middle class. We got a Stonewall name-drop and a passionate defense of LGBT-rights. Shit, we even got a full 8-sentences on climate change, the most of any other specific policy area. Liberals eat that shit up like bros eat burritos after a fat blunt.
Next Obama dropped a reference to a theme Paul Ryan was slamming throughout the presidential campaign. Obama was all like, “[social programs] do not make us a nation of takers; they free us to take the risks that make this country great,” but what he really meant was “Yo Paul Ryan, come at me bro.”
Obama was all about progress in the speech, laying out a progressive vision for America that was pragmatic, well thought out, and most notably, bold as shit. Obama came to the speech with the confidence of a bro who just maxed out at 300 on the bench press, and left swollen as fuck.
And it’s showing in his approaches to negotiating with Congress as well. We saw an aggressive Obama during the fiscal cliff debacle and a full-scale effort to be forceful on gun violence. And we’re only one week in.
So yeah bros, I know a shit ton of you are conservative business school students who probably don’t agree whatsoever with Obama’s policy choices. But you gotta admit that man has swag, and you can’t fault him for that. Here’s to four more years.