Tagged: somalia

10 Domestic Policy Pick-Up Lines That Will Totally Get You Laid

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We’ve already covered Foreign Policy Pick-Up Lines, but what about those bitties who didn’t even know Mali was a country (it’s alright babe, shit’s complicated).

Well I got your back, bro. Here are 10 Domestic Policy Pick-Up Lines that are sure to get you laid at your next political conclave:

1. If your left leg was a ban on assault weapons and your right leg was dogmatic platitudes on second amendment rights, would you let me come down the middle?

2. If I told you your body was a Conservative negotiating bi-partisan agreements with President Obama, would you hold it against me in the 2014 mid-term elections?

3. Hey girl, I’m like Rand Paul filibustering the nomination of John Brennan to CIA director: I’ll keep you up all night long.

4. I’ve got a Keystone XL Pipeline right here girl, so let’s go back to my place and drill baby drill.

5. You hear about this sequester nonsense? How about we check out my crib and I’ll show you the virtues of pro-growth stimulus.

6. Damn girl, you must have been a terrorist leader in Somalia because you look like you came straight out of heaven.

7. Hey baby, let’s play comprehensive immigration reform: you can be the door to citizenship and I’ll slam you all night long!

8. Baby I’ll be the sequester and you’ll be the national deficit when you’re going down tonight.

9. Are you a General Atomics MQ-1 Predator Drone? Because you blow me away!

10. You must be Wells Fargo the way you got my large compensation rising.

So there they are. Go get it, bro.

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